He Gave Me a New Heart

Ehh mhm, this is your warning: post is lengthy. If lengthy, wordy posts aren't your jam, feel free to click the "x" up there. But I think (without sounding biased) that this is worth the read :)

picture taken from Pinterest

Has someone ever given you something that you didn't even know you needed or wanted?? Something that was so beneficial for your life that you couldn't imagine living without it, now that it's been given to you? 

     Over the last year I can honestly say that God has slowly given me something that I desperately needed and I didn't even know I wanted.

He has given me a new heart. 

No, I'm not talking about a literal beating in my chest, need surgery for it, kind of heart. I'm talking about the kind of heart that He longs for us to have. The kind that ONLY HE can give. One that is full of grace and compassion. One that strives to build each other up instead of tearing others down and one that longs to speak life into others lives. One that recognizes the sin that most entangles him, yearns to flee from it, and strives to be more like Jesus. This is the kind of heart He's given me and I am so thankful.
     I hope and pray this doesn't come off as arrogant or proud. If anything, I'm asking God to keep my heart from those two things exactly. The reason I'm writing is this: like I've shared before, my desire is to be real and vulnerable with you. I want to let you see a side of me that I am not proud of nor admire about myself. Why? Because I want you to know that I am a real person with ugly sins who desperately needs Jesus' grace and forgiveness on the daily. I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggles. And most importantly I'm here to remind you that no matter how great the sin or how damaged the heart, God can make you new. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 references that exact thing:

"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. 

The old life is gone; a new life begins!" 

(The Message version)

I feel that I am a living testimony of the above Scripture. God has made me new. I so desperately needed to be made new. You see, all of my life I have had such an ugly heart and tongue. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with gossip and tearing others down. I've always been quick to join in on negative conversations and giving my two-sense about someone came easily. Gossip has gotten me in trouble a time or twelve two and I've vowed to be and do better. That lasted a day or two and then I always fell back into my old habits. Anyone agree that habits are easy to make and very hard to break?? .. especially when they've been something you've participated in for years and years!

MANY verses throughout Scripture including passages in Proverbs and James 3:1-12, talk about our tongue... how ugly they can be, what damage they can do, & how difficult it is to tame them. God put those in there because He knew we would need them for reference and as reminders. He knew how much of a struggle our tongues would be.

I'll be the first to admit that gossip is a tough one to overcome! It's easy to join in when others are talking and much more difficult/sometimes awkward to not participate. It is "fun", enticing, and seems harmless at the moment. I'm sad to admit that gossip has been like sweet music to my ears more often than not. Fortunately that's just what satan wants us to feel and think when we're in the midst of it. He's good at making gossip look inviting and enjoyable, when it's really heart-threatening and terminal. He's also good at pulling the wool over our eyes and convincing us that what we're doing really isn't that bad. When in fact it is. Gossip and back-biting is really that bad. It is ugly and it is never God-honoring. We have to remember that Scripture (John 8:44) says satan is the father of lies. He does in fact want us to believe his voice and give in to gossip because it is pleasing to his ears. Agh, that just makes me sick .. when I give in to gossip (or whatever sin that entangles you), I'm pleasing satan and his army. I DO NOT WANT TO PLEASE SATAN AND HIS ARMY!!!

Although I didn't have a drastic turning point in this journey, I did have an "ah ha!" moment last week pertaining to all of this .. I was sitting out on my front porch having my quiet time, reading through Scripture, & reflecting on who Jesus is calling me to be when I saw and felt it clear as day.. JESUS HAS GIVEN ME A NEW HEART. Tears flooded my eyes and I began verbally thanking God for what He has done for and to me. My walk with Jesus and our time together has grown immensely in the last year. Slowly He's been revealing to me the things I do that disappoint and grieve him. I'm convinced that my daily, repetitive quiet time with Him is the reason I am aware of this sin and am so desperately striving to be better. I didn't even know I needed a new heart, but He knew. Jesus, full of compassion and new beginnings, knew just what I needed. Writing out these words and praying them over and over has done (and continues to do) a number on my heart:

"Father, reveal to me everything that I do that disappoints and grieves your Spirit. Show me Father, HOW I can be more like you. Help me to be a better reflection of You. Make me more like Your Son, Christ. "

Can I tell you a secret incase no one told you today?? You don't have to give in to satan and his desires anymore! Whether it's gossip that you struggle with or another sin, today can be your day of a fresh start. Starting over. A new heart. Am I saying that once you've been given a new heart you'll never struggle with said sin again? Of course not! You are human and until you get to heaven, you will be battling against satan and his army. I will too. But if you know Jesus then you have the victory and power through His name to overcome the desire to give in and the opportunity to be made new. It won't always be easy and it won't be convenient, but it will be worth it. Because Jesus is worth every inconvenience and every difficult moment. I believe in you and more importantly our Jesus believes in You. After all, He did die to make you (and me) new. 

26 Facts/Things I've Learned in Year 26

   

     Well friends, I'm just about to kiss year 26 goodbye .. tomorrow is my birthday and I am so excited!! --- cue ALLLL the confetti in the new iOS 10 messaging.. I LOVE that stuff and I love birthdays!
     But before 26 is gone, I decided to spend a little time this morning reflecting on the last year and all that I've learned in the last 365 (because leap year ;)) days. I thought I would share my thoughts with you.. some are serious and some are random/funny...  Without further ado & in no particular order:

one > When praying for God to change someone else's heart, He often changes yours. 

Not that I know from experience or anything. (insert hands over eyes monkey emoji)

two > God is most definitely not pleased with a naggy wife... again, not that I know from experience. HA.

three > It's okay to cheat on my diet. I'm pretty sure come year 87 I won't be saying "Man, I sure am glad I didn't eat those m&ms!" If I want to eat the m&ms, I'm going to eat the m&ms. Because seriously.. there's more to life than a 6-pack of abs and a size 00 jeans.

four > I heard this one from Craig Groeschel .. Be intentional with your encouragement. .. if you think something good about someone, say it to them. You never know what kind of smile you might put on someone's face!!

five > This one goes along with the naggy wife thing ..It is far more impactful to pray for my husband and live out what I believe, rather than quoting Scripture to him and nagging at him all day long. Much of the time, a quiet influence is far greater an impact than an obnoxiously, loud one. 

six > Eating no sugar really isn't as rough as I thought it would be. Until last week when all stress and emotions came with the death of Tyler's grandma... Then is was rough. Hence the reason I cheated almost every single day.

seven >  I'm slightly obsessed with eating potatoes. And by slightly I mean I eat them almost every single day in some form. 

eight > I'm done doing things out of guilt and for the desire to people please.. If I don't feel like doing it, I'm not going to do it. 

nine > Loving Tyler is an absolute honor and one of the biggest blessings God could've ever called me to. He is a treasure and gift from God to me.

ten > I've decided to leave gossip and running my mouth for the paparazzi & magazines. Seriously, this used to be a huge struggle and sin of mine. Over the last few years God has been convicting my heart deeply and I'm happy to report I no longer have any desire to participate in gossip. 

eleven > I have developed the passion and love for drawing and being artistic. Much of my morning quiet times consist of drawing out Scripture. It is relaxing and therapeutic! 

twelve > The golden buzzer on America's Got Talent makes me cry every single time. Watch this one & this one and then try telling me you don't cry too! 

thirteen > Donuts will be HEALTHY in heaven. I'm not changing my mind about this one so don't even try!

fourteen > I am addicted to puzzles. I'm pretty sure I've done 10-12 in the last few weeks. That puzzle table Tyler bought me a few weeks ago is really getting its use!

fifteen >  I'm SO thankful for God, His strength, & unending grace. I don't know how people live without Him.

sixteen >  If I sleep until 7:30 I call that sleeping in. I just don't have the desire to sleep in late anymore. Mornings are my favorite for getting things done!

seventeen > I LOVE mowing the lawn.. sometimes I mow ours twice a week for fun. I know I'm a dork. But seriously.. there's something good about seeing a job accomplished. Wanna hire me?

eighteen >  Grace. Grace. Grace. I need it. Other people need it. Jesus freely gives it to us, so I freely need to give it to other people.

nineteen >  I like salmon, disguised with a little ketchup of course, but it's still salmon none the less. I'm not really a sea food girl so this is huge for me! 

twenty >  I can and know how to build a privacy fence. Tyler and I built ours a few weeks ago and it looks fantastic if I might add ;)

twenty-one > My morning quiet time is my absolute favorite time of the day. I'm a cranky hot mess without it.

twenty-two > I want Jesus to boldly shine through me and use me as a vessel for Him now more than I've ever wanted before.

twenty-three > It's okay to not enjoy cooking. If I'm being honest, not only do I not enjoy it, I can honestly say that I hate it. Now baking.. that's a whole other story. I could bake all day long.

twenty-four > I am a busy person and I desperately need to slow down and just BE. Life isn't all about just doing, but BEING. 

twenty-five > I could watch Safe Haven or really any Nicholas Sparks movie and it would never get old. 

twenty-six > God is deeply pleased and glorified when we pray and ask for miracles that are only possible through Him. I won't EVER stop praying for our miracles. Tyler's Grandpa spoke these words (over a different situation) and He will never know how impactful and meaningful they are to me.

      I think as the years go by, God is increasing my wisdom and understanding of what matters most in life. I'm so thankful He has my heart. 

And there you have it. Here's to year 27. The year I'm believing God for more and trusting Him for the impossible. If you made it all the way through my list, let me know and I'll send you some confetti through iMessage! For real, I will ;) I just love it and you THAT much.

I'll Take Authenticity Over Target and Starbucks Any Day

Last week I got vulnerable and wrote about my struggle of being a "doer" & "just" a housewife. 

If you missed the post and want to catch up, you can read that here. 

Since writing that post, 

I've been thinking about the importance and beauty of being vulnerable, real, and authentic with those around us. 

I believe too much of our worlds are forged through the lenses of what we want people to see and believe about us. Instead of being real and posting our struggles in hopes of finding encouragement from others who have similar stories; we pose with our painted on smiles, Starbucks cups, & Target shopping carts. Lets be real, behind all of the Instagram filters and perfectly posed pictures we are broken people with hurts, struggles, and discouragement. Things aren't always as they seem. 

Now don't get me wrong, not everything we write, post, & talk about has to be vulnerable and raw, because who wants to read the heavy all day long? Not me! I'm not saying you shouldn't post Starbucks and Target pictures or ones of your kids in their designer clothes, go for it! What I am saying is, what if for every 4 perfectly posed pictures, we posted one vulnerable one? One letting people know that our lives aren't perfect and that we're human too. One letting others know that the struggles they're facing and the hurt they're dealing with aren't just theirs to walk through. One letting people see who we really are and what some of our hard days look like.

  One letting people know that they are not alone. 

Too often satan drills in our minds that we're the only ones who face ____________ (fill in the blank with your struggle, discouragements, & hurts) and we forget that others have similar stories and walk similar paths. 

If there's anything I want you to know when you open this blog it's these two things: 

First, it's that you will find vulnerability and authenticity here. Will I only ever write heavy, thought-provoking posts? No ... because like I said, no one wants to read the heavy stuff every day. But you will find a girl who has daily struggles, many hurts, and more weaknesses than she lets on. You will stumble upon posts that talk about my battle with anxiety, my daily struggle with "doing" and feeling good enough, and the constant strength I have to pull from Jesus to overcome my self-esteem issues. 

You will find me being real. Being genuine. Being authentic.  

Second, I want you to know that you, yes YOU, can ALWAYS be vulnerable and real with me. If God has given me anything in life, He's given me an ear to listen to people's hurts and struggles. I know He's given me that for a reason. Maybe you are that reason. I want you to know that you can share your hurts and struggles with me. You can tell me your weaknesses and your pains. I want you to know that I am here for you. I want to pray for and encourage you. I want you to know that you are loved. 

Mostly I want you to know that you are not alone. 

You are never alone.

>>> "Share each other's burden's, and in this way obey the law of Christ." -Galatians 6:2 <<<

.... So You're "Just" a Housewife

About 1.5 to 2 years ago I told my husband I didn't think I could ever be a housewife. Before you start glaring at me if you are one, let me explain. I'll just be blatantly honest ... one of my biggest blessings/struggles is DOING. I'm a perfectionist and an overachiever. I always have been and I'm positive I always will be. I like to do. Do this, do that, & do e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. else, because of what it does on the inside for me. It makes me feel accomplished. It makes me feel worthy. It makes me feel good enough. 

You don't have to tell me, I already know ... the Bible tells us that our worth is found in more than just who we are on the outside and what we do. Like I said, it's a struggle people. 

It's funny how we often find ourselves in the very situations we say we won't be in. If you ask me, God has a way of making us bite our own tongues. I'll give you one guess as to what my current job status is ... you guessed it, I'm a HOUSEWIFE.

Since quitting my job and becoming a housewife, I've heard some of these remarks more times than I can count: (Enjoy the responses I'm thinking in my head while said remarks are stated)
"So you're just a housewife?" Why yes, yes, I am JUST a housewife.
"Then WHAT do you do all day?!"  Well, I don't sit around eating bonbons while watching season 57 of Days of Our Lives if that's what you're thinking!!
"When are you going to find a job?" Like I've told you and every other person 23 times before: THIS is my job.. just because I don't slather on make-up and get in my car to drive to a work place, doesn't mean I don't do a job every day!

I'd be lying if I said these words didn't bother me and that it's been an easy adjustment. Often times I struggle with the mundane feelings I get from doing the same things every single day ... make the bed, fold the laundry, put the dishes away, make dinner, etc., etc., etc. Those things seem never ending and it's really hard to be content with where I am some days.

It's easy to feel like I'm not accomplishing much and my day-to-day tasks don't have purposeful meaning. But the other day I was working on said mundane tasks, when I felt so strongly in my spirit these words:

FIND JOY IN THE MUNDANE. 

Of course they were hard to swallow ... because really, what joy is there in scooping the litter box for what seems like the 85th time this week?? I'm thinking, okay God, if You want me to find joy in scooping the litter box or taking the garbage out, You're going to have to help me, that's for sure! But I know those words came from Jesus and for that I have to trust Him and the lesson He's trying to teach me.

I feel like there are so many teachable moments throughout our day-to-day lives. So many moments that God wants to speak to our situations and lighten our hearts with His words. He knew just what I needed to hear in that moment and for this season of life. Maybe it's what you need to hear to -- to find joy even in the mundane, every day, grind of life. To trust that He has you and knows where you are at this moment. To believe that what you're doing has meaning and purpose.

For the one, who like me, is a do-er and struggles with finding joy in the mundane there are so many lessons I feel like I could hone in on, on this post, for you and for me that God has been revealing as I've been writing. Like finding joy, self-worth and value, trusting Him; but I feel like He's been shouting this one at me these last few days and I need to share it. If you don't take anything else away from this post, at least take this 

>>>>>>>> <<<<<<<<<

Now That the Olympics Are Over + Some Observations

Well friends as of last night's closing ceremonies, the Olympics are officially over and I'm already counting the days until 2020 when they're on again. HA! Anyone else go into mourning when the Olympics finish up? It's been a good 2 weeks!!

But, now that the Olympics are over ...

I might actually do more than sit on the couch for hours on end.

The T.V. will no longer be on for 12+ hours every day-- NO, I was not sitting there for that long.. they played in the background.

The Olympics being on can't be my excuse for no thought on dinners.. Okay, who am I kidding.. it isn't the Olympics, cooking just isn't my thing!

I'll hopefully go to bed at a decent time and wake up less sleepy in the mornings!!

We can start taking evening walks again .. taking 115 steps a day just isn't cutting it.

Our 2-3 days a week of nightly fishing can commence .. I've missed fishing!!

One word: PRODUCTIVE. Maybe that'll happen again.

I won't be crying as often .. seriously, every time I saw an athlete cross a finish line/stand on the podium I was in tears.. I'm a softy, what can I say?!

And for some Olympic observations/questions I'm left asking ... 

HOW do the beach volleyball girls/guys stand the sweat + sand combo?! It drove me crazy just seeing it on them.

I got to thinking about the Equestrian horses and their transportation to the Olympics.. obviously they're taken by boat, right? But the thought of a horse on an airplane cracks me up!

I'm positive that Golf is the most boring Olympic sport to watch .. sorry if you like that sort of thing.

Next time the Olympics are on I will be almost 31 .. HOW is that possible?!

The Olympics games in 2020 just won't be the same without Michael Phelps swimming in them.

I will NOT miss the same commercials playing over and over and over.

Some of these people have pretty cool last names .. Kromodijojo & Akinradewo

I can't imagine how much a country actually spends to host the Olympics.. I'm not sure I want to know.

If you like our family picture then you should go find me on Facebook and watch our promo video; I promise you won't be disappointed!! Are you wondering why we're dressed so wacky?? Every Olympic season we have an Olympics party. We each choose a country + sport and watch the opening or closing ceremony while eating delicious food and dressing ridiculously. This year I was a tennis player from Brazil, out of request from my nieces .. maybe next time I'll be an athlete from Djibouti .. do I even know where it's at? Nope.. but the name sure sounds fun and Lord knows I've got a big one. HA!

Happy new week, friends & happy efforts at being productive! 

.. When You Find Yourself THERE ..

Have you ever listened to a message, read a book, or watched a movie and couldn't get enough of it so you had to listen/read/watch it on replay over and over and over because it spoke directly to your heart and the season you're currently wading through? ... 

I listened to this message by Steven Furtick for what seems like the 20th time this morning and I could easily rewind and listen to it again and again. It's just THAT good. 

     In the message Pastor Steven uses Elijah's story from 1 Kings 17 -- the one where Elijah prays for the rain to cease for 3 years and how God used Elijah's prayer to bring about a drought in the country of Zarephath; Elijah meets a specific widow sent by God whose son is dying because of the drought; God uses the widow to minister to Elijah, as He prepares Elijah to minister to her and ultimately heal her dying son, THERE. .. I promise the full story makes more sense than my quick rendition... if you'd like to read it for yourself you can do so here. 

I believe God's point in 1 Kings 17 was to show Elijah (and us!) that He will find himself in places and seasons he doesn't expect to be in life, but to trust that God has him THERE for a purpose. Had Elijah not been in Zarephath at that time, at that specific well, looking for water from that specific widow, He wouldn't have been used by God to bring about healing for the widow's son. Elijah HAD TO BE THERE for all of this to play out the way God meant for it to... 

Do you get where I'm going with this -----------------------------

Whether your "there" is that you've found yourself waiting for God to bring your significant other into your life and it's feels like it will never happen; you're working a 9-5 job that seems pointless and you're miserable; you're facing heartbreak and hurt over a broken relationship; or your longing/praying for something that seems impossible and there aren't many clear answers.. 

Like Elijah, we will all, at some point, find ourselves in seasons of being "THERE"

From the mouth of Pastor Steven:

"THERE is somewhere that you have to be.

It has to be a part of your journey. 

You have to be THERE. 

THERE you will see Him." 

Friends, if this at all resonates within you, hear this truth --

God has you THERE for a purpose .. a purpose far deeper than yourself; far deeper than your own blessings and benefits. You aren't there out of coincidence, mishap, or chance. You didn't stumble there randomly. You are "there" for a DISTINCT REASON. He knew before you knew, that you would one day be there. It's THERE that He is preparing you for a deeper purpose and a higher calling. It's THERE that He is growing your faith and molding you into a vessel for Him. It's THERE that He is moving within you, ministering to your heart, so that you can minister to another who walks a similar path in the future. 

He knows where your "there" is, because HE IS THERE.

Hearing God's Voice

     I've found myself awake throughout the night, multiple times a night, for the last several nights. Okay actually lets be real here... it's been the last several MONTHS of nights. I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I was able to sleep through the night. I wake up because I hear a noise or I need to use the bathroom and then it's all downhill from there... my mind wanders and I start thinking of all the things that are on my heart and troubling my spirit. Many times I've grabbed my phone, clicked open 'Safari', and found myself scrolling through Facebook or reading random blogs.
     I think if we're being honest, that's become our default these days, even in the dead of night when we should be sleeping... "oh I have nothing to do, might as well scroll through Facebook or Instagram for the 107th time today" never mind asking yourself the question of "why am I really awake & why can't I seem to fall back asleep?" .. are ya with me on that or am I the only one that does this even when I tell myself I won't (insert hands over eyes monkey emoji here) .....

     As I sit here and really begin to think about it, like literally right now I'm mulling it over in my head, we (lets change that 'w' to 'm' for ME .. I'm talking about myself here!!) fill so much of our days with busyness and nonsense white noise that we've seen or heard multiple times. Silence and stillness are a thing of the past ... t.v.'s are always on, music is constantly playing in the background, we're texting 5 different people, our days are completely full ... all of this so that we don't find ourselves sitting in

                                                                                           S I L E N C E.

     There's something intimidating and overwhelming about silence. Well, at least to me there is. I dare you to put your computer/iPad/iPhone/Galaxy 74/whatever it is your holding down, turn the TV/music off, and just sit for 5 minutes. Right now, really, go try it .....

                              Did you do it? How was it? Was it as difficult, awkward, & kind of intimidating for you as it is for me? Just me? ... Okay, moving on.

     I've found that with silence comes the perfect time for God to whisper to me, a chance to hear His voice, the perfect opportunity to close my eyes and really focus on what He's trying to tell me. But if you're anything like me I babble on when I pray, ask God to speak to me when I'm done, don't hear anything for the 3 seconds that I'm sitting silent and still & so I move on and begin to drown out the beauty of the silence with my phone, computer, tv, washing machine, etc. I've heard it so many times, and have even thought/said it myself, that it's like God doesn't speak to us anymore, at least not how He used to speak in the Bible.

BUT WHAT IF WE'RE WRONG . . . 

     Perhaps our problem isn't that God doesn't speak to us anymore, perhaps it's that we're missing His voice because we're filling our days with so much busyness/white-noise and He can't break through to get our attention. Maybe my problem at night isn't that I need to use the restroom even though I just did 4 hours before that or that I heard a noise and now I can't fall back asleep ...
     maybe it's that God has to use these 2 things every single night to wake me up because it's the only time I'm laying still, He has my full attention, & is finally able to speak to me ... in the silence. . .