He Gave Me a New Heart

Ehh mhm, this is your warning: post is lengthy. If lengthy, wordy posts aren't your jam, feel free to click the "x" up there. But I think (without sounding biased) that this is worth the read :)

picture taken from Pinterest

Has someone ever given you something that you didn't even know you needed or wanted?? Something that was so beneficial for your life that you couldn't imagine living without it, now that it's been given to you? 

     Over the last year I can honestly say that God has slowly given me something that I desperately needed and I didn't even know I wanted.

He has given me a new heart. 

No, I'm not talking about a literal beating in my chest, need surgery for it, kind of heart. I'm talking about the kind of heart that He longs for us to have. The kind that ONLY HE can give. One that is full of grace and compassion. One that strives to build each other up instead of tearing others down and one that longs to speak life into others lives. One that recognizes the sin that most entangles him, yearns to flee from it, and strives to be more like Jesus. This is the kind of heart He's given me and I am so thankful.
     I hope and pray this doesn't come off as arrogant or proud. If anything, I'm asking God to keep my heart from those two things exactly. The reason I'm writing is this: like I've shared before, my desire is to be real and vulnerable with you. I want to let you see a side of me that I am not proud of nor admire about myself. Why? Because I want you to know that I am a real person with ugly sins who desperately needs Jesus' grace and forgiveness on the daily. I want you to know that you are not alone in your struggles. And most importantly I'm here to remind you that no matter how great the sin or how damaged the heart, God can make you new. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 references that exact thing:

"Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. 

The old life is gone; a new life begins!" 

(The Message version)

I feel that I am a living testimony of the above Scripture. God has made me new. I so desperately needed to be made new. You see, all of my life I have had such an ugly heart and tongue. For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with gossip and tearing others down. I've always been quick to join in on negative conversations and giving my two-sense about someone came easily. Gossip has gotten me in trouble a time or twelve two and I've vowed to be and do better. That lasted a day or two and then I always fell back into my old habits. Anyone agree that habits are easy to make and very hard to break?? .. especially when they've been something you've participated in for years and years!

MANY verses throughout Scripture including passages in Proverbs and James 3:1-12, talk about our tongue... how ugly they can be, what damage they can do, & how difficult it is to tame them. God put those in there because He knew we would need them for reference and as reminders. He knew how much of a struggle our tongues would be.

I'll be the first to admit that gossip is a tough one to overcome! It's easy to join in when others are talking and much more difficult/sometimes awkward to not participate. It is "fun", enticing, and seems harmless at the moment. I'm sad to admit that gossip has been like sweet music to my ears more often than not. Fortunately that's just what satan wants us to feel and think when we're in the midst of it. He's good at making gossip look inviting and enjoyable, when it's really heart-threatening and terminal. He's also good at pulling the wool over our eyes and convincing us that what we're doing really isn't that bad. When in fact it is. Gossip and back-biting is really that bad. It is ugly and it is never God-honoring. We have to remember that Scripture (John 8:44) says satan is the father of lies. He does in fact want us to believe his voice and give in to gossip because it is pleasing to his ears. Agh, that just makes me sick .. when I give in to gossip (or whatever sin that entangles you), I'm pleasing satan and his army. I DO NOT WANT TO PLEASE SATAN AND HIS ARMY!!!

Although I didn't have a drastic turning point in this journey, I did have an "ah ha!" moment last week pertaining to all of this .. I was sitting out on my front porch having my quiet time, reading through Scripture, & reflecting on who Jesus is calling me to be when I saw and felt it clear as day.. JESUS HAS GIVEN ME A NEW HEART. Tears flooded my eyes and I began verbally thanking God for what He has done for and to me. My walk with Jesus and our time together has grown immensely in the last year. Slowly He's been revealing to me the things I do that disappoint and grieve him. I'm convinced that my daily, repetitive quiet time with Him is the reason I am aware of this sin and am so desperately striving to be better. I didn't even know I needed a new heart, but He knew. Jesus, full of compassion and new beginnings, knew just what I needed. Writing out these words and praying them over and over has done (and continues to do) a number on my heart:

"Father, reveal to me everything that I do that disappoints and grieves your Spirit. Show me Father, HOW I can be more like you. Help me to be a better reflection of You. Make me more like Your Son, Christ. "

Can I tell you a secret incase no one told you today?? You don't have to give in to satan and his desires anymore! Whether it's gossip that you struggle with or another sin, today can be your day of a fresh start. Starting over. A new heart. Am I saying that once you've been given a new heart you'll never struggle with said sin again? Of course not! You are human and until you get to heaven, you will be battling against satan and his army. I will too. But if you know Jesus then you have the victory and power through His name to overcome the desire to give in and the opportunity to be made new. It won't always be easy and it won't be convenient, but it will be worth it. Because Jesus is worth every inconvenience and every difficult moment. I believe in you and more importantly our Jesus believes in You. After all, He did die to make you (and me) new. 

26 Facts/Things I've Learned in Year 26

   

     Well friends, I'm just about to kiss year 26 goodbye .. tomorrow is my birthday and I am so excited!! --- cue ALLLL the confetti in the new iOS 10 messaging.. I LOVE that stuff and I love birthdays!
     But before 26 is gone, I decided to spend a little time this morning reflecting on the last year and all that I've learned in the last 365 (because leap year ;)) days. I thought I would share my thoughts with you.. some are serious and some are random/funny...  Without further ado & in no particular order:

one > When praying for God to change someone else's heart, He often changes yours. 

Not that I know from experience or anything. (insert hands over eyes monkey emoji)

two > God is most definitely not pleased with a naggy wife... again, not that I know from experience. HA.

three > It's okay to cheat on my diet. I'm pretty sure come year 87 I won't be saying "Man, I sure am glad I didn't eat those m&ms!" If I want to eat the m&ms, I'm going to eat the m&ms. Because seriously.. there's more to life than a 6-pack of abs and a size 00 jeans.

four > I heard this one from Craig Groeschel .. Be intentional with your encouragement. .. if you think something good about someone, say it to them. You never know what kind of smile you might put on someone's face!!

five > This one goes along with the naggy wife thing ..It is far more impactful to pray for my husband and live out what I believe, rather than quoting Scripture to him and nagging at him all day long. Much of the time, a quiet influence is far greater an impact than an obnoxiously, loud one. 

six > Eating no sugar really isn't as rough as I thought it would be. Until last week when all stress and emotions came with the death of Tyler's grandma... Then is was rough. Hence the reason I cheated almost every single day.

seven >  I'm slightly obsessed with eating potatoes. And by slightly I mean I eat them almost every single day in some form. 

eight > I'm done doing things out of guilt and for the desire to people please.. If I don't feel like doing it, I'm not going to do it. 

nine > Loving Tyler is an absolute honor and one of the biggest blessings God could've ever called me to. He is a treasure and gift from God to me.

ten > I've decided to leave gossip and running my mouth for the paparazzi & magazines. Seriously, this used to be a huge struggle and sin of mine. Over the last few years God has been convicting my heart deeply and I'm happy to report I no longer have any desire to participate in gossip. 

eleven > I have developed the passion and love for drawing and being artistic. Much of my morning quiet times consist of drawing out Scripture. It is relaxing and therapeutic! 

twelve > The golden buzzer on America's Got Talent makes me cry every single time. Watch this one & this one and then try telling me you don't cry too! 

thirteen > Donuts will be HEALTHY in heaven. I'm not changing my mind about this one so don't even try!

fourteen > I am addicted to puzzles. I'm pretty sure I've done 10-12 in the last few weeks. That puzzle table Tyler bought me a few weeks ago is really getting its use!

fifteen >  I'm SO thankful for God, His strength, & unending grace. I don't know how people live without Him.

sixteen >  If I sleep until 7:30 I call that sleeping in. I just don't have the desire to sleep in late anymore. Mornings are my favorite for getting things done!

seventeen > I LOVE mowing the lawn.. sometimes I mow ours twice a week for fun. I know I'm a dork. But seriously.. there's something good about seeing a job accomplished. Wanna hire me?

eighteen >  Grace. Grace. Grace. I need it. Other people need it. Jesus freely gives it to us, so I freely need to give it to other people.

nineteen >  I like salmon, disguised with a little ketchup of course, but it's still salmon none the less. I'm not really a sea food girl so this is huge for me! 

twenty >  I can and know how to build a privacy fence. Tyler and I built ours a few weeks ago and it looks fantastic if I might add ;)

twenty-one > My morning quiet time is my absolute favorite time of the day. I'm a cranky hot mess without it.

twenty-two > I want Jesus to boldly shine through me and use me as a vessel for Him now more than I've ever wanted before.

twenty-three > It's okay to not enjoy cooking. If I'm being honest, not only do I not enjoy it, I can honestly say that I hate it. Now baking.. that's a whole other story. I could bake all day long.

twenty-four > I am a busy person and I desperately need to slow down and just BE. Life isn't all about just doing, but BEING. 

twenty-five > I could watch Safe Haven or really any Nicholas Sparks movie and it would never get old. 

twenty-six > God is deeply pleased and glorified when we pray and ask for miracles that are only possible through Him. I won't EVER stop praying for our miracles. Tyler's Grandpa spoke these words (over a different situation) and He will never know how impactful and meaningful they are to me.

      I think as the years go by, God is increasing my wisdom and understanding of what matters most in life. I'm so thankful He has my heart. 

And there you have it. Here's to year 27. The year I'm believing God for more and trusting Him for the impossible. If you made it all the way through my list, let me know and I'll send you some confetti through iMessage! For real, I will ;) I just love it and you THAT much.